You bunch of TWATS !!!
The PM holds a marketing brief meeting in 2019 calling on all her experts to discuss plans for gaining another victory………
Our dear European Legislators will be quids in from May 2018 when they finally get their way with us.
Just like that immortal line in Sunset Boulevard spoken so dramatically by Gloria Swanson back in 1950 when, as a fading actress, she was invited back to Hollywood for what she thought was a revival of her movie career. Only to discover that it wasn’t her they wanted, it was her 1931 Isotta Fraschini classic Italian car…..someone shouts ‘She used to be BIG!’ she responds ‘I am BIG, it’s the movies that got small’
I know exactly how she must have felt. All they really want are what you have but they don’t want you. After prostituting myself on social media including LinkedIn, begging for a break it seems all anyone wants is my address book, my very own Isotta Fraschini.
Oh I have been bombarded with ‘Likes’ every time I post that I am seeking new opportunities…. I don’t want Likes, I want to work. Is that really so difficult to understand, what are you afraid of, my age, my brilliance, my fabulousness, my temper?
Of course I have had a couple of calls from companies offering me opportunities in Non Exec roles, only to find out that you have to pay them £1,399 to be part of their network because it’s free for those seeking you out… well if it’s free for those seeking me out. I’m here and you can contact me for free.
So now I have started seeking jobs. There are plenty of jobs out there that I could do, of course there are. So last week I applied for a Marketing role with a well known holiday/insurance company. They would preferably like someone that has worked in DM – tick, someone that has handled data and direct mail – tick, conversant with the GDPR rules – bloody tick, someone that can work under pressure and to deadlines – yeah tick, someone that knows how to drive a hard bargain with suppliers such as data owners and direct mail houses – right up my street tick……. would also like someone that is familiar with trade associations for example the IDM – HELLO …..honorary Fellow of the IDM…… letters after my name FIDM…….HUGE TICK……
I hand delivered my application, waited in anticipation, considering I can see their building from my kitchen window…… not an interview, not even a call, nothing, nada, I am just not right for them. Is it my age, well they actually serve the 50 plus market so yeah that’s a fit, is it my experience, well that’s a fit as well….. it’s probably that someone thinks I am after their job and maybe see me as a threat. Kiddo!! I don’t want your job, I don’t want a 20 year career, I am offering me, my soul and my address book at a knock down price just to keep me off the streets for the next 5 years. I could learn from you and you could learn from me. That is not arrogance on my part please believe me I really am a nice guy with bundles of personality.
So I am applying all over the place and now know what it feels like to be invisible. I have decided that it’s time to re think my attack plan. Now I could simply go back and start again on my own, build my business into something formidable and then come after all those that have been ignoring me…….Nah!!!!! not going to happen. You can all keep your businesses close to your chests and you are safe, well for now anyway. Just don’t think that you are invincible and that this could not happen to you, don’t believe for one second that you’ve got mates in business because you have none you are alone, though it may not feel like it right now, but you are.
All I did was to fall over, once metaphorically and then the second time physically. I broke my bones and took time to recover only to find that I was like the proverbial empty plastic bottle, washed up on the beach and waiting to biodegrade and fade into insignificance.
So my address book is now stored with my logs ready for the chimnea, well I have to keep warm somehow don’t I. Oh and please stop calling me with offers of paying to join your networks, offers of commission only sales jobs, paid for online opportunities, I would rather chew drawing pins and watch ants screw…. I’ll be back, one way or another but I will be so be ready ………
Finally after fourteen months I have settled on liability for the incident that occurred in the car park of a well known supermarket store, provided I take one third of the blame. I am informed this is a good outcome….
The immortal words written by English poet John Donne way back in the 17th century have been interpreted in so many different ways. When the shit hits the fan and there is debris all around you, it is only you that can clear it up..
When asked recently to give a ten minute after lunch talk on where I think Direct Marketing will go or indeed should go in 2017, with instruction to inject some humour and of course to keep it to ten minutes here’s what I did..